Posts Tagged ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader’

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REVIEW: Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader

August 30, 2012

Craig McGee

Written by:  Mike MacLean

Directed by:  Kevin O’Neill

Starring:  Jena Sims, Ryan Merriman, Sasha Jackson, Olivia Alexander, AJ Llamas, and Treat Williams

 

 

QUICK FIX:

In this update of the 1958 classic, ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT WOMAN, cute yet pimply and mousy college freshman scientist Cassie helps develop a new serum that could revolutionize the beauty industry and will quickly turn a “Butterface” (or worse) into “OHHHH HELLS YEAH!!!” seemingly overnight.   With the funding she gets from this, the world could be her burrito – guys, money, fame, new science projects…everything a lab geek could possibly want, right?

Well, not exactly.  See, Cassie, more than anything else in the world, just wants love and acceptance but she’s a girl that’s lookin for love in all the wrong places – from pleasing her vain mother to joining the cheer squad to getting into the hottest sorority on campus – those are her college goals.  So what’s a cute yet pimply and mousy college freshman scientist to do?  Faster than you can say “THE NUTTY PROFESSOR”, she runs back to the lab and injects herself with the magical serum and the next morning BAM, superfox.  But that’s not all…of course with the super hotness also comes getting accepted everywhere she wanted that shunned her before, as well as greater strength, enhanced coordination, etc.  But then our gorgeous young Cassie begins to grow…and grow…and GROW…and before long a guy would need goggles and a snorkel just to…oh, wait…kids read this, don’t they?

Anyway, it isn’t long before a pesky arachnid and Cassie’s hot yet peskily bitchy nemesis, Brittany, also fall victim to the side effects of the body growth serum and on top of dealing with that there’s the pesky-nasty pharmaceutical company rep and his platoon of goons trying to harness Cassie and her size as well.  As Confucius would say, “Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth.”  Let’s hope our gorgeous heroine is able to…stand tall, during all of this…

RAMBLINGS:

Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader

Oh, Roger Corman, you’ve done it again!!!  For decades you’ve been entertaining me in the wildest ways by producing flicks on a budget for each movie that was more than likely lower than my annual property taxes and for that I’m not only thankful, but more than a little envious as well.  You’ve had way more hits with me than misses and that far exceeds most other writer/director/producers in any genre, especially horror, so thanks for the mammaries and here’s to many more to come…CHEERS!!!

Speaking of hits…I know that in two years’ time, I’ve written now a total of four glowing reviews for all four movies that Mike MacLean has written.  DINOCROC vs. SUPERGATOR, SHARKTOPUS, PIRANHACONDA, and now ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT CHEERLEADER.  That’s four for four, for those of you keeping track.  I don’t know this man personally and unfortunately he doesn’t pay me for these awesome reviews, I just like to reward excellence and repeatedly thank the man for writing flicks that I am constantly and consistently entertained by and can watch over and over and over again.  I say this again – keep your eyes on this dude, he is a force to be reckoned with.  His writing that I already love improves with every feature and you just can’t ask for much more than that.  This was also a departure for MacLean, as yes there are still giants in this movie, but except for two little scenes all the giants are in fact human.  I always enjoy little breakout moments like these, especially when the giant female cast is so easy on the eyes!  MacLean…KEEP WRITING MOVIES!!!!

The horror vet cameo list is long and distinguished this time around with appearances by the awesome Mary Woronov, Sean Young, Ted Raimi, and in one hilarious classroom scene (one of my favorite scenes) John Landis and The Man himself, Roger Corman.  Not to mention we get Treat Williams (who will forever be Finnegan to me, as well as my favorite Substitute) chewing up every scene he’s in with the glee of 37 William Shatners and seems to enjoy every second of his time on screen.  I know I sure as hell did – one great line after another.  But my favorite came when Cassie’s nerdy scientist colleague whipped out his phone and threatened to call the FDA on them.  But of course, Treat sez, “Why don’t you set your phone to ‘Shut The Fuck Up!’” before tazing the shit out of him.  Ohhhhhh, what I wouldn’t pay to have that line as my ringtone!!

LAST WORDS:

This may come as a surprise once you see my name attached to this review, but it was actually NOT a SyFy Saturday premiere.  It was in fact a Saturday, but it premiered on the Epix Movie Channel instead and I for one am thrilled and grateful.  This flick would NOT have worked on SyFy very well.  Why?  BOOBS, GLORIOUS BOOOOBS!!!!  The giant topless Royal Rumble at the end alone would’ve had to have been heavily blocked or edited and we just cannot have that in this day and age.  No, sez I.  Yes, I AM still a 12 year old at heart, thank you very much.  But think about it – when a hot chick grows to ten times her normal height, the clothes don’t expand with her…thank goodness, if you catch my drift.

No word yet on a DVD release date, but we will keep you posted.  I cannot wait to add this flick to my collection.  Oh, which reminds me…I FLIPPIN LOVE THIS MOVIE!!!!  Take the giant Jena Sims and stack the giant Olivia Alexander on top of her (Hmmm…) and multiply by 1000 and that MIGHT come close to explaining my love for it.  Cheesy, schlocky, hokey giant woman flick where toplessness happens at random; a giddy Treat Williams chomping up scenery like a starving Sharktopus, and trademark Mike MacLean one-liners, ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT CHEERLEADER is my favorite Saturday night date so far this year!!!

– Craig

 

 

 

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