h1

TWELVE (AKA – THE EXACT AMOUNT IN THE DIRTY DOZEN, THE NUMBER OF RASPBERRY CHEESE FLIPS FROM CASEY’S I CAN EAT, AND THE NUMBER OF MONKEYS IN AN INCOMPREHENSIBLE BRUCE WILLIS TIME TRAVEL MOVIE)

December 5, 2011

Oh, and it’s also the number of days of Christmas, according to that song.  I never understood that one, personally.  After all, Christmas falls on the 25th of the month.  Why not the 25 Days of Christmas?  My theory – the writer got tired of trying to come up new gifts every day so he said “Screw it” and stopped at an even dozen.  And let’s face it, they were already stretching the further along the song went anyway…I can’t think of anyone besides a porn star who would want 11 Pipers Piping.  Plus, he did the singers a huge favor by stopping at 12; had it gone all the way up to 25, repeating that backwards chorus counting back down to one every single time they introduced a new gift for a new day would make the song even longer than “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”, and that’s asking way too much of anyone.

Plus, those gifts for the most part are next to impossible to find these days; although from time to time I wouldn’t mind having 8 Maids A-Milking, or even 3.  But then I think, maybe I’m taking that in a different context than it’s intended?  Nah, that’s never happened before.  Honestly though, my true love could give to me Six Days of Christmas worth of things and I’d be more than happy – Rum, a good 25-year aged Scotch, Fireball, Sexy Time for all 6 days in a row, and a Tough Books laptop so my clumsy ass could write these blogs for you from anywhere with no worries of equipment damage.  Wait, that’s only five…hmmm.  Okay then, more Sexy Time!!

Ahhhhhh…one cold shower later, and I’m now ready to explain to you, my freaks & geeks, MY idea about how to make your own 12 Days of Christmas a little more bloody without all the legal hassles of donning a red hat, fake beard, and wielding a big, sharp, blood-stained axe in front of young, impressionable children.  Well, unless we’re talking about my children – that’s just a typical Christmas Eve in the McGee household.

12-days-sml

In my previous blog, I laid out a few Christmas-themed horror movies that would help us all segue from the emotional high of the 31 Days of Halloween into the Christmas season.  I’m not a Scrooge by any means, I flippin LOVE Christmas.  But I also get easily burned out on the 137 hour marathons of A CHRISTMAS STORY and IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE and I have to spice things up just a tad.  Sure, there are tons of Christmas comedies I love, and even some kickass action movies.  But there’s really nothing in the world like horror and we all know this.  Sooooo….

What I submit to you now is the grand unveiling and official launch of THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS HORROR!!!!  It’s very simple, really.  Just like the 31 Days of Halloween, you pick out a Christmas-themed horror flick (of which there are plenty) and post what you’re watching every day to Facebook as your status, or Twit (Twat? Tweet?) it to your Twitter account, or however you want to do it.  Since I don’t consider myself famous enough yet to use Twitter (although yes, Michelle, I did finally download the app to my phone, so there!), for now my stuff will be going up on Facebook in a format something like this – “On the first day of Christmas Horror, my true love watched with me”…whatever the movie is.  Also, for an official 12 Days, I suppose we should officially kick this off on the 13th to make it fit for all us OCD folks out there (do the math, it makes sense); but for me, I’m sure I’ll break my own mold and start it up way before then, like…tomorrow.

So there you have it – genius in its simplicity, and almost as much fun as putting reindeer droppings in your mother-in-law’s chocolate-covered pretzels.  Should you choose to partake in this new holiday tradition with me and have any, any, ANY questions or would like any suggestions of good, bad, or cheesy Christmas horror, by all means send me an email – each and every one of you has a backstage pass when it comes to me. 

And on that note, we cue up Corey Taylor’s “X-M@$” and I leave you with my special holiday wish to everyone – stay safe, stay warm, stay drunk, may your ginormous flat screens overflow with glorious HD & Blu-Ray-infused blood, and most of all – MERRY CHRISTMAS HORROR!!!!!!

– Craig McGee

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2 comments


  1. I like the maids a mikin too!!! I’m also getting Halloween stuff for Christmas.What else would a Haunter want!!!!



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